A Depressing Waste of Words

I hated to be referred to as or associated with the term babymama. Being called a babymama would always conjur up thoughts of the ignorant ass song,  ”Who dat is…My Baby Daddy” by B-Rock & The Biz.  A song and term that I did not believe portrayed the positive image of a hardworking and well educated single mother.  However, after years of hearing the term, I began accepting and appreciating it.  A babymama is a single mother or single female person who has borne children (for you so called educated folks).  Like many women today, I had a child out of wedlock. Right now,  I am trying my best to create a complete family for my child even though our family structure  is unconventional.  The complete family that my child needs can only happen if my babydaddy and I support each other.

A friend of mine called me late one night upset over another argument he had with his babymama.  He said she went down to the police station and filed a PFA saying he hit her in front of their child.  He told me she gets $ 641.00 a month from him in support but the 4 days (every other weekend) he spends with his child must have been too much because now he is hit with this PFA out of no where. He said as a black male,  he spent his life trying to stay out of a courtroom but ironically the only way he would be able to see his child regularly would be to take his babymama to court.   So after those false accusations, it had been 4 months since he last saw his daughter.  Itwas as if his daughter was being held hostage.

Her mother has apparently been upset for years that their relationship had come to an end and his daughter was caught in between.  He asked me what I would do if I could not see my son for months. My heart broke just thinking about it. He asked me how a woman could be so heartless and cruel. I was at a lost for words. He then asked me if he should just take his child and run.  I did not respond but I know I would run, I would run far as hell.  I would die without my child and run to the ends of the earth to be with him.

I understand how heartbreaking it can be to let go of a relationship you wanted to work  but using a child as leverage or out of spite is just selfish and hurtful.  I would always hear so many stories about dead beat dads and now I wonder, how many were really dead beat dads? How many were just men who couldn’t fight anymore and walked away before someone got hurt. How many men would have been there regularly for their children if their babymama’s supported the relationship between father and child?

I agree 100% that deadbeat dads are the scum of the earth. With that said, what do we call mothers who sabotage a fathers efforts to help raise a child? We do not call them anything, because no one cares about the fathers?  I was told writing about these fathers was a depressing waste of words.  I could not agree more because that is exactly how many of these fathers feel. They feel like the arguments, court time and pleas to spend time with their children are all a depressing wastes of words.  I  decided to continue to write anyway because I know how important the presence of a father is in a childs life. I commend all single parents who are working together to do what is best for their children.  And for all you ladies who refuse to let your babydaddy be a daddy, you are heartless and must be exposed. You are the scum of the earth just like a dead beat dad!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1R4rhY3qZ8

Wake up Babymamas!

Women who slash tires and punch out car windows, not only belong in the next episode of Snapped, but many are mothers too.  Just because a woman has a child does not mean she is motherly, sane and free of drama.

Even though it may be frowned upon by many, including my religious grandma and the church folks,  I am a proud baby mama. My son’s dad and I have joint custody. Neither one of us pays child support because we split all expenses and time equally.  We argue over nonsense, like what vitamins are best for our son but for the most part we totally support each other. We are both products of single parent households.  Our mama’s held it down solo and did a great job; however,  we both know our daddy’s were greatly needed and missed.

I honestly thought most babymama/babydaddy relationships were similar to ours. But hell to the no that is not the case! My relationship with my babydaddy appears to be the exception to the rule.  The term babymama drama exists for a damn good reason and I have come to this conclusion based on the drama filled stories I have been told by multiple male family members and friends. Men who are trying to be great dads and the mothers who sabotage the effort.

My dad was a bum!  I love him to death but a bum is a bum! He chose not to be there for my siblings and I growing up. Hearing stories about the men who want to support and love their children and the women who refuse to let them, completely pisses me off.

Just because a babymama is independent and chooses to live by the phrase “I don’t need no man,” does not mean her child ”don’t need no dad.” Wake up babymama’s!  We are raising the next generation and our children need all the help they can get.

This Is Only The Beginning…

We’ve all heard of fathers who shirk their responsibilities as easily as changing their shirts. There are pages and pages dedicated to these “baby daddies” :  this is not about them.

This is a forum for the fathers who are trying their best to do the right thing and who are being punished by spiteful ex wives and ex girlfriends. Guys who would do anything to spend time with their children, but are denied their rights by the cruelty of the justice system.